you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
