Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
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