I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
