You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I believe in your delicious
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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