um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize