her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
