Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I need a beard to bite.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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