if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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