Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
