Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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