dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize