But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
