The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
