you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
