I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
