I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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