Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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