i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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