I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
