that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
