Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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