That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
