I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
