Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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