look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
