You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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