I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
