3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
