I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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