btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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