So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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