Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
