U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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