Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
