tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
