I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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