Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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