I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
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