I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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