I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
