im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
