I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
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I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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