i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
