I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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