I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
