would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I will pee on everything he values.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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