I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
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I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
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I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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