Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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