Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
