Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
