I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
