dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize
