it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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