ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
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not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..