i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.