When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
