Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
There's always time for handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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