WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
