I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
