were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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