Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
