i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize